Fatherhood - Harlan Coben

The nurse came in. “You have to leave now.”
“No,” my father said.
“Please don’t make me call security.”
I could feel the panic start up in my chest. “It’s okay, Dad. I’m fine. Get some sleep.”
He looked at me for a moment and turned to the nurse. “What’s your name sweetheart?”
“Regina.”
“Regina what?”
“Regina Monte.”
“My name is Al, Regina. Al Bolitar. Do you have any children?”
“Two daughters.”
“This is my son, Regina. You can call security if you want. But I’m not leaving my son alone.”
The nurse turned and left. She didn’t call security. My father stayed all night in that chair next to my bed. When I cried out in my sleep, he shushed me and stroked my forehead and told me that everything would be okay – and for a few seconds, I believed him.

Sometimes my father leaves me awestruck. Fatherhood is about balance, but how can one man do it so well, so effortlessly? Throughout my life he pushed me to excel without ever crossing the line. He reveled in my accomplishments yet never made them seem to be all that important. He loved without condition, yet he still made me want to please him. He knew, like now, when to be there, and when it was time to back off.

- Long Lost, Harlan Coben

XK (8) Wistfulness

today, as i was cyling, i saw a woman across the road waving frantically at a man running away from her. i stopped to be singaporean about it. theft? lovers' tussle? she thought he looked like a cab? then i saw him dropping stuff as he ran. his bag was open! so he was doing a real hansel-and-gretal number. i started screaming at the top of my voice. OEI!!! OEI!!! OEI!!!!!! this was one of the rare occasions where i had to say, my voice wasn't loud enough. wistfulness no.1: i should have had quicker thinking and screamed "OEI! GUY IN YELLOW SHIRT!! 穿黄色衣服的人"

too bad i didn't. so i crossed the road and started picking up all his stuff. turns out it was medication. i then started to pedal furiously after bus 60, which was the bus he didn't board. kidding. of course it was. wistfulness no.2: i should have checked out the medication there and then to see if i could have contacted him through the clinic.

as i was cycling after the bus, another dude on a bicycle stopped me and asked if i had picked up the guy's stuff! so i said yeah. and he said, "he's your who? (singlish for how is he related to you?)". i said i don't know him. then the dude said, "so why you help him?" and i said, just helping lor! wistfulness no.3: i really wish i had said something like "Cos Jesus Christ loved me first" or "it's always good to help people don't you think!" or "it's such a joy to be able to help others!" or "why not? it's always nice to be able to do a good deed". sigh. the failings of slow-wittedness.

when i caught the bus 2 stops later, he wasn't there! turns out he was only taking the bus for one stop. i started looking around for a guy in a yellow shirt (the 2 stops are only about 100m apart as this was an interchange bus stop). couldn't really see him. only then did i take out the medication and found out his name was Mr Tan C H. i then called the clinic and asked the receptionist to ask him to call me. wistfulness no.4: i should have realised he was making a bus transfer and just started shouting out his name in the interchange. i even contemplated it before i called the clinic, but thought it'd be useless! i'm not making a very good detective at all. not doing justice at all to harlan coben, jeffrey deaver, robert crais, myron bolitar, lincoln rhyme, and elvis cole (these are some of my favourite authors and characters in crime novels).

so Mr Tan finally called me back and told me he was already on another bus towards kallang. i then asked for his address which turned out to be very near the bus stop i saw him drop the stuff at first (see wistfulness no. 2). so i travelled back to where i came from. when i finally handed off the stuff to his wife, she was rather grateful. i said, "no problem. 没问题!" wistfulness no.5: i wish i had invited her to church or something.

My Family

There was a series of messages over the weekend conference. Each saint's shared portions were so enjoyable. Brother Dave also released his burden on the message in a very exercised spirit.

I really enjoyed the words drafting and slipstream, which brother Dave used.

While cycling back, I saw and felt a bus passing me on the right. I tried to speed up to draft/get into its slipsteam. Basically, it makes it easier for me to cycle at a higher speed.

Brother Dave talked about Brother Lee's ability to pick out the spiritual significance and then see the divine principles. I really enjoy seeing these significance in everyday stuff/things that I partake of.

2 things.

1. The drafting speed needs to be maintained at a moderate/manageable speed to allow the slower rider to latch on to the slipstream.

One burden was that we should not be asking our children to be more spiritually mature than what they should be. I think that however, we should not set the standard too low. Yet, I am also reminded that in Luke, the Lord Jesus at 12 years old was mature enough to know that He needed to be in His Father's house. His parents were astonished. We should praise the Lord and not set a limit on their spiritual growth either. It is indeed comforting and humbling to know that our children's spiritual growth in the Lord is not anything we can control nor hasten.

2. Proper signalling.

Being in a pattern means that everyone in it are almost so close. Both figuratively and literally. When riding in a group, riders usually stay very close behind the front rider to enjoy the draft. The riders in the front needs to give proper signals and set examples for the rest of the pack to follow. Hand signals are used to indicate road obstacles, turns, even stopping. Imagine the front rider emergency braking and causing a chain reaction. Sometimes the messages are shouted and passed down verbally (HOLE! LIGHTS! etc.) ANYTHING to pass the message down and set a pattern for the whole peloton(group) to follow.

Praise the Lord we have such an orderly pattern today in the church. As the head of the house, the man should also set a pattern for his children to follow.

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The main title of the messages were along the lines of caring for our young people and children. The main burden shared was for the household unit and parents to be living out such healthy practices.

That's why it's rather weird some of those points linked back to children and family when I'm obviously not ready for that. I think it's on a good and need to know basis, and anyone ;) interested I will most certainly share more on these messages. It is really profitable for those who are going to start being the head of their household. ;)

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Oh, and this is posted here because there's cycling parlance AND more importantly this thing hasn't been updated in awhile.

My Fascination II

Yikes!

My Fascination

hey E

hey man! so how's the weekly schedule coming along? does it suit your personal financing needs?

Ode to BX

ok this post is not a morbid one. The object of focus is this bike in the pic. BX, it embodies what u had wanted in a bike; made of steel, have panniers, racks and aero bars to hang your plastic bag! cool boh?!?

My Friend/Baggage

I crashd XR's room last night. I'm used to be a nuisance around him and I'm glad he is easy-going and don't mind my intrusion. As we sat on the corridor eating and talking, I realised that I can talk about anything and everything with him. So there I was, using my mouth to eat, and at the same time releasing my verbal diarrhoea. He must really like the mess I made because this time, he actually invited me to sleep over.

I had chained Blackie to a railing outside the hall, so now I had to go retrieve it and leave it somewhere near XR's room. The corridor along his hall is really narrow, and it was made even narrower by the clothes rack, shoes and miscellaneous stuff.

This morning I had to navigate Blackie back the same way through the narrow corridor, this time with my bag and helmet and the works. It was really difficult to handle so many things.

It would be easier if I had a broad way.

Enter in through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter through it.
Because narrow is the gate and constricted is the way that leads to life, and few are those who find it.
Matthew 7:13-14

It struck me that to walk on the constricted way, one cannot bring along excess baggages. My bicycle is difficult to walk cos the steerer is loose. My bag dangles all over the place. It'd be so much easier to walk along that narrow corridor without all these.

Can I let them go then?

I do appreciate having a form of transport that keeps me healthy and is relatively cheap. However, if I see Blackie as anything more than a form of transport, then I have some serious think coming. The aesthetics, the weight, the bling blings and even the brand names. Those will cause me to value Blackie for more than what it is really worth.

So I'm saying this: If one day I need to go through the narrow gate, and the constricted way; then friends, baggages, they have to go.